I volunteer my time with Wardrobe for Opportunity and speak at a graduation ceremony for a women’s program they have called Pathways in Oakland CA. The first time I spoke there, I was invited because of my “motivational ability” to tell my story as a speaker. These are women down on their luck, laid off, no supplemental income, often single parents or who have a husband that’s not working either, and honestly they are just trying to make life work.
I love when I get to tell my story. I love weaving the important lessons I learned along the way that they can hear and apply sooner. My story is not uncommon, that’s why it’s important to tell. Many women asked many great questions, but two in particular I want to share with you. I think these questions, and not just my answers but my strongly held beliefs about them, are critical for success!
One Question: Do you ever say to yourself, “If I had only done that sooner?” Of course that answer was no! Regrets get in the way of success! Instead, I think it is more important to ask yourself: what lesson did I learn so I can improve over time? What can I do differently to get a different outcome if a similar situation arises?
Second Question: “Now that you are doing what you love, what’s next?” That is always such an interesting question! What’s amazing is the possibilities are endless when you do what you love because you are:
- A Lifelong Learner, so you stay cutting edge
- Flexible and adaptable, so you can move your interests with current trends and interests of others
These two questions are key to success. Do what you love and the possibilities are endless and never regret what happens along the way. How do you make sure you live by these beliefs?
Ann M. Evanston is a “Chief Breakthrough Officer” teaching other Business Warriors how to slow down, and find the most unique part of their business that makes them stand out among the crowd. She has been named one of the top marketing consultants by About.com, is a guest blogger for Showcasing Women and takes pride in moving you from “blah, blah, blah” to “BOOM, BOOM. BOOM!”
I always said, do what you love, and the money will come eventually…not that is all about the money…but just icing on the cake that allows you to continue to do what you love.
People are still surprised that I speak for free after 12 years in business -I so agree Tom – it's not all about the money. Besides I can't take it with me so I am spending it here! hehe!
Hey, Ann, great questions, I often find myself asking the second one. But I answer by;
1. Staying flexible – Water takes the shape and form of anything it's in, that's how we have to be within our circumstances.
2. Never settling – I have a unique hunger for the next level so I'm always looking for a way to get there.
3. Repositioning Myself for Success – Sometimes it just takes an adjustment here or there to find “what's next.” I did this recently with my career. I did it to advance my business. Here's a short video about my repositioning if you would like to learn more – http://www.rodkirby.com/archives/1526
Great post, Ann, keep up the good work!
These 3 points bring to light my 2 bullets beautifully Rod! Thank you for adding these great points!
No problem, Ann! Great post again, much success your way, ma'am!
“Regrets get in the way of success.” This is short but profound. Thanks, Ann! I found this on Twitter.
Thinking about how personal regrets get in the way can remove barriers for more of what we want in life! Thanks Jeannie for stopping by!
Aloha, Ann. I found this! Hurray! Babysteps…
Marcia – you are going to be the blogging wiz from Hawaii!
You have the patience of a saint! Great post!
Honored to work with you Debbie and I am glad my patience and your persistence has paid off!
Thank you for the reminder that it is always worth it to go for your dreams. I am living my dream and I know it benfits my clients, they can feel it in the way I care for them.
There are so many things that can get in the way of our dreams, and I love that it has aligned for you Heather!
These are great questions with great answers. I don't have regrets because I would not be the person I am today had I not made the decisions I did and lived the experiences I had. I don't believe in living in the past–there is no future in it!
Great questions! Sometimes the first one is not so easy, to live without regrets. I think it takes active work, at least for me it does. I love that your immediate answer was No. And I love the statement “Regrets get in the way of success!”. I just noticed I commented on that exact statement five months ago, so it still resonates. How to live by these beliefs: I need to think about that.
hmmm. interesting isn't that Jeannie!
Powerful questions indeed Ann. and a great way to frame life at this juncture. I think we reason we should not regret the decisions we made at that time, is because at the time we made the right decision for that moment. Now we are in a different place. We were ready. and wasnt it Einstein who said doing the same thing over and expecting different results is his definition of insanity? In order to grow, in order to get to the second question, we do need to be open to possibilities, aware of opportunity, currents, trends. Life is like a river – we are forever moving. as we move we need to adjust the way we move, fish and survive in the river, because the river bed keeps changing. If you have a direction, you may meander some times but you will keep flowing forward. The power of momentum, engagement, awareness, knowledge and belief will propel your life in the right direction. We just have to learn to create a raft, hop on it, get help navigating & buy a compass. and sometimes we have to rest on the river's edge with a glass of wine.
Jennifer Duchene
http://home-decorating-makeovers.com/
Wow woman – you have a beautiful blog post here yourself! and yes insanity, yet many people do it don't they? Everyday they get up and spend two hours checking email – is that making them money, probably not, but they are doing it!
Thanks Ann. You certainly know how to engage ! Its true we often stay on the banks of the river waaay to long. The fear of flying is a terrible waste. We really need to learn to make a parachute and not worry about falling. This is the stuff they should be teaching our kids in schools.
Jennifer Duchene
Your Home Makeover Mixtress blending cool and cozy style.
Wonderful questions. Great statement, “Regrets get in the way of success.”
I have spent a lot of time “shoulding” myself… I “should have” done this, “should have” done that. These words were nothing but shaming words. They got in the way of being able to move forward. Now, today, I choose to believe I am right where I need to be, at any given time. I sometimes do not do things when I would like to do them because of fear. So when I do them after recognizing that it exists, I praise myself for moving past the fear, moving forward.
So, what's next? I am doing what I love and every day it is a little different. The question for me is not “what's next?” It is, “what's in front of me to do?” I look for the next indicated thing that needs to get done. This keeps me in the moment, instead of living in the future, or the past, for that matter. It's not “what's next.” It's gratitude for what “is” at any given moment. When I focus on the next indicated thing and practice gratitude, I am taken to a place of grace and things get done and fall easily into place. The day becomes a series of things to do to reach my goal and the way becomes clear to me.
Carolyn Jones
http://www.gatelady.com
to me regret is like worry. Really a waste of time as they make nothing better. When I do feel myself slide in either direction I meditate and connect to my Self with-in. And I get into an attitude of gratitude, counting off all that I am grateful for and then feel great! This is not to avoid feelings…contemplation and true feelings are really important in life…but mind games if what if, and worry are truly useless.
Looking back and feeling regret only gets more of the same because energy flows where attention goes. I choose to put my energy in forward motion, using it to create what I want instead of what I don't want.
Since I love lifelong learning, I am never at a loss for the next area of personal development I want to explore.
Knowing NLP and using it in my coaching practice allows me to quickly identify limiting beliefs and use an NLP process to clear them and replace them with an empowering belief. I love this work!
Great question. For me, it is continuing ed, and being flexible and creative, both in working with new parents directly, and in creating or learning new strategies to accomplish beneficial ends – for them, their babies and their family units. This area is rich with opportunities for creativity – and jokes:-)!
two great questions…i also agree with your answers…a life filled with regret…is a life not lived…and well…we are not promised tomorrow…so we should be living each day like it's our last…
that being said…for those times that i did do something that i wish i hadn't, or wish i had done it sooner…etc…instead of regretting…i try and focus on the lesson in it…learn from it…and move on and do better…
doing what i love is a blessing in itself…being able to help others never gets old…so what would be next? learning new ways to express my love for fashion and helping style those along the way…which in turn boosts self esteem…and gets them on the road of acheiving their goals and dreams…i love the cycle!
great post ann!
I have a strong sense of being guided, so while regret can sometimes be a temptation, it's quickly replaced with exciting awareness that things come at the right time for me to dance with them. Doing what I love is huge, and it's taught me that life is creativity. As a teenager I was full of angst wanting to “be a creative person”. That seems funny now that it's more about riding the next wave. Great discussion, and I love hearing that you were offering your story and insights to the women at Pathways.
This post really made me think! I always ask, what if I would have done that sooner, or later. I'm always second guessing myself, and that is so BAD to do! I like the perspective to ask what did I learn from it? Thanks for making me think Ann!
Shawna E Anderson
http://www.YourBestMindOnline.com
“Your Brain Search & Rescue Program”
Knowing me, once I've conquered one thing, I'm on to the next. I don't think it ever stops. Now regrets, I have a hard time forgiving myself for things I didn't do, but the past is the past and what ever happened brought me here – An old dog learning new tricks!
Thanks, Ann! Always love your questions! I have just the opposite response to “wishing I'd done it sooner.” It's sheer GRATITUDE to be where I am at 62 — taking on the most exhilarating adventure of my life!! By listening to my heart, trusting my own unfolding path, and plying myself with good marketing, networking and social networking skills, here's what's next: moving to Maui to be a facilitator for the most amazing company, The Peaceful Woman. Possibilities untold!!!
You Maridel are simply a beautiful example of living, learning, growing! And congrats on the exciting new adventure!
These two questions and answers show an attitude geared toward success! We need to remind ourselves of this sometimes.
That is true huh Orene! We can be so busy doing doing doing!
I have always done what I love and continue to do so. As life unfolds, new adventures, opportunities to grow and learn present themselves. I am a lifelong learner and there is so much more to learn and experience. No regrets, I just take time to reflect, learn and then move on. Thank you for the opportunity.
Those are two great questions. I believe it's important to learn a lesson from all of life's experiences and staying positive even when things seem to not be going so well. Keeping the faith that something bigger and better is in store for you should allow you to not have regrets but to always feel as though you're learning as you travel down the path called life. Realize that you can't learn and grow without mistakes, so accept them as life lessons. Later for regrets! Especially if you're doing what you truly love and you're making a living at it. You may not be making as much as you would like right now, but the fact that you're able to generate sustainable income doing what you love with endless possibilities as to where you can take your passion should be exciting and inspiring!
Question #1 is all about “stinkin' thinking” – those thoughts that tell you you couldn't do it for xyz reason. To get beyond the “stinkin' thinking” I have tried to break down the larger goal into small bite sized actions and celebrate the success each step of the way. It makes me feel better and before I know it I am on my way to a more successful outcome.
I feel blessed to be able to do something I love – help others experience the benefits of cultural exchange. There is nothing more rewarding than a family telling me they are better off because of their experience of hosting an exchange student, sharing their culture and learning from one another. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Thanks for the thought provoking questions!
Great questions! I can honestly say that I am pretty good at moving on when things don't work out the way I planned and using that experience to move on to the next chapter of my life. I love being a lifelong learner and moving and changing with what life brings me (in my case moving internationally with my husband's work) and usually finding that those moves have brought bigger and better opportunities for me if I let myself be open to that. Samantha is right – stinkin' thinkin' is what gets in the way. Without my last big move I would not be doing what I'm doing today and I'm very grateful for that 🙂
Ann- questions that I just went over with my Big Fish Nation business coach 2 hours ago- WOW! Now, what is the universe trying to tell me? I love that saying “do what you love, love what you do.” I agree- no regrets, things happen in a perfect time- So, what I am doing is writing it down- and seeing what will show up- not taking myself to seriously, and keeping up my creative energy!
Shannon Crawford
Ann- questions that I just went over with my Big Fish Nation business coach 2 hours ago- WOW! Now, what is the universe trying to tell me? I love that saying “do what you love, love what you do.” I agree- no regrets, things happen in a perfect time- So, what I am doing is writing it down- and seeing what will show up- not taking myself to seriously, and keeping up my creative energy!
Shannon Crawford
great story Ann. Well, I’ve always been a life long learner, and I’m doing what I love as a micro business owner. What helps me live by my belief is to make sure I follow you everywhere! ha-ha – you motivate and inspire me, speak the truth and help me stay accountable. It’s important to surround ourselves with people who can be an extra set of fresh eyes, speak the truth into our lives, and stay focused on our goals.
Why have regrets? Everything happens in it’s own time for a reason and it’s perfect. I’ve learned from each experience and each decision. Doing what I love opens up so many possibilities. There are no “no’s” only what’s next!
I like to think that my life before becoming a home-based entrepreneur was a training ground for what I am doing today, I just didn’t realize that all of the experience I gained in Corporate America prepared me for being my own boss, definitely no regrets!
What’s next? Who knows? But I will be prepared for it and feel confident that my efforts running my own businesses will pay off in ways I can’t even anticipate right now.
I make sure I live by these beliefs by surrrounding myself with like-minded individuals who value what I do and people I can learn from; see things a different way maybe and keep an open mind to others ideas, applying what I think will work for me. Being the mom of two teenagers, I am reminded everyday how what I do and how I conduct myself in my business is affecting their belief system too. If I was a quitter, complainer, or constantly being negative, what kind of example would I be setting for them – the next generation to enter the work force.
I especially like the flexible and adaptable part. So true! Unless we’re ready to adapt and change as the world around us changes we will fall behind not move ahead.
I love this, Ann. yes, I sometimes think, “If only I had done this sooner”…but it’s only for a moment (stupid monkey mind playing with me)….I learned so much in the time that I *didn’t* go for it. I believe the delay made me better at what I do and keeps me true to what I believe and want for myself and for my kids.
What’s next? MORE MORE MORE! I have so many new directions to go in my business, I want to taste them all.
I have asked myself ‘If I had only done that sooner’ but I soon laugh at myself and see that I wasn’t ready and hadn’t discovered what I love doing. I too don’t believe in regrets – no point. I’ve had a great life and learned a lot from it – I always wanted to be a stay at home mum and I got to do that so there’s no way I would have been ready to do something I love as a business until I got that under my belt.
I am a lifelong learner hence the brand and I have always been flexible and adaptable. I fully intend staying that way and developing and moving with this new found passion constantly.
Louise Edington
Facing Fears For Freedom
http://louiseedington.com
Time and I have weekly wrestling matches. I tend to think things should happen faster, Time on the other hand has it’s own sensibilities. The true lesson for me in this is that I really don’t have control over everything and I am trying my best. That helps me stay away from regret.
I don’t ask myself that question because life is not a series of single events it is one continuous event so there really is not a “thing” that i should have done sooner..that thing evolved into what I am doing now and what i am doing now will evolve into what i will do in the future
There have been moments where I’ve asked myself, ‘Why didn’t I waken up to this sooner?’ but then I have quickly seen that everything happens in perfect timing. I have learned many skills and gone through many experiences that have helped me become the person I am now . Looking back I don’t have any regrets. Everything is just perfect the way it is. I understand that I have come to this place now as an accumulation of everything I have done and been and am best equipped to deal with what I am creating for myself now. Earlier wouldn’t have done the job. If similar situations arose now, what would I do differently? I think the big one is to feel the fear and do it anyway. I now know I have nothing to lose. And now I am doing what I love, what is next? I am beginning to burst with creative ideas and am courageous enough to start following them as opposed to just becoming frozen with fear. I am learning how to make my life exciting. Opening doors and taking risks. And being me, everything I do is automatically a reflection of me, so there are no more worries about things matching. Thanks for the questions Ann.
Fiona Stolze
Inspired Art and Living
http://fionastolze.com
I have to say that although there may have been times I asked myself why didn’t this happen sooner I’m not the kind to dwell on it. I see it for what it is and move on….making mental notes for next time. Its funny, my blog this week is about mottos, and I think I forgot to add that I am a believer in “things happen for a reason” and “in time you will have your answers to why/why not now”. I am not saying I always like it, or agree with it, but it has been proven to me in my life that I don’t always have the answers and so I can’t regret things…I need to do the best I can and move on….always learning! Maybe it just wasn’t the right timing….you can’t beat yourself up over that! Having worked in the Business world gave me great skills to work from home. The opportunity to work at home changed my life. I am grateful, and although some people thought I was crazy to do it (its not the norm for some) I took the chance because it gave me what I wanted…to be home with my kids! It was a risk and it paid off for me. I feel strongly about learning new things, keeping up with the times, and being on a personal journey that keeps me growing as a person…always learning about life and myself.
Its about the journey…and the kids!
Rita Brennan Freay
@Rita4kids
ritabrennanfreay.com
Love the timing here…my friend and I just talked about this first question at length tonight. I’ve come to the understanding that we do things when we’re ready–not just outwardly, but inwardly–and that everything up to that point has prepared us for the choice we make. Besides, what does lament have to offer? It’s an empty bank account. Gratitude that we made the choice we did–as soon as we were able–is where the gold lies. And yes, no matter how much we love what we do, there’s always a “next” expression of that love. There’s always more…
I have asked myself question number one before while wondering what my life would be like if I had made different choices earlier or not made such huge mistakes. I find that those questions come up when I am unhappy and everything seems to be going wrong in my life; the only thing that pulls me out of that dead zone is remembering that I did survive those past mistakes, that God has never abandoned me, and that I have become stronger as well as more forgiving and less judgmental along the way. Looking back with regret becomes a downward spiral that I know can be tempting but is unhealthy and a waste of energy. As for question two, I believe that if you are doing what you love, life has a way of expanding and embracing more and more amazing opportunities and experiences…when we are doing what we know is right for us, we never become stagnant; life thrives on the power of love and being in alignment with who God designed us to be. I am trusting that I am on the way to finding that for myself.
I am who I am today because of what I’ve experienced in my past, which includes what I’ve done. Today, I feel very “centered”,but I couldn’t have become this way without learning and living to this point. I believe that all things happen as they are supposed to & our challenge is to accept and learn. If I had “waken up to this sooner”, certainly my life would have sped by much quicker than it has & I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Deep- I like it 🙂
I don’t do a lot of regretting but there is some – so I like the turnaround you gave. I’ve always been a believer in that one is always learning and changing. Great post, great food for thought. I have some internal work to do.
Julieanne Case
Owner Practitioner of The Reconnective Highway
Reconnecting you to your essence, joy, vitality, youth.| Healing you from the Inside Out |Reconnective Healing | AgeLoc
http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com
You remind me of when I was very young, in my early twenties. One of my biggest fears was of getting divorced and being a single mom raising two children. Well, it happened and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Not just because I left a bad marriage but because of the lessons it taught me, way to many to list. And of course, no regrets at having been in that marriage. Have you met my two amazing sons? Whenever life throws me a curve ball, I know it’s another lesson and I’ll learn and be a better stronger person on the other side. I know that because it’s ALWAYS been true.
Susan Berland
A Picture’s Worth
http://susan-berland.com
I LOVE that Ann, “Regrets get in the way of success!” That will be my new mantra for 2012!! I am open to ALL possibilities … Staying connected with you will make me certain to” live by these beliefs”. POW!
I only look back if I’m trying to learn. I try to stay in the moment and think of possibilities while realizing that I have to get though today before tomorrow will happen.
I have a friend who’s motto is “Just say Yes!” It seems to be working for me also. I do look before I jump off a cliff to kind of figure out how to make it happen. And have given up the idea of a safety net. Being open to possibilities has brought me to failures, successes and new ideas. I just keep getting up, using what I learned and moving on to the next big adventure!