I recently heard a woman whose estimated net worth is 90 million (no, that is not Oprah) say that polarity is critical for success. She said: “the opposite of love is indifference. When you have people who love you and hate you, you have polarity and you have a brand”.
I have been known to say that wanting to be “liked” can be dangerous. That if people don’t disagree with you, you might be vanilla. I think this applies. See, she is RIGHT. But her net worth is only 90 million….if you disagree.
Let’s look at some examples:
Pepsi
Coke
Lady Gaga
Gordon Ramsey
Southwest
Each of these brands has success and polarity. I find many leaders and entrepreneurs have difficulty with this when they start out. Especially the first time someone disagrees with them. It’s great they disagree! I once watched Tim Ferriss speak to this and he told the crowd you either ignore what people are saying (he chooses not to watch) or you get a tough skin.
Have you created polarity? Or do you struggle with people not liking you? Are you playing it safe?
Oh, yes, who was that woman, net worth 90 million? Tyra Banks.
Ann M. Evanston is a “Chief Breakthrough Officer” teaching other Business Warriors how to slow down, and find the most unique part of their business that makes them stand out among the crowd. She has been named one of the top marketing consultants by About.com, is a guest blogger for Showcasing Women and takes pride in moving you from “blah, blah, blah” to “BOOM, BOOM. BOOM!”
I still struggle with people not liking me! When I was writing more about gay marriage I really didn’t care. That wasn’t about my livelihood. So, it’s interesting to look at this from a different perspective. I think what you are saying is to be wildly successful you have to have polarity and that means people are going to both like and not like you. I guess I better get a tougher skin!
Susan Berland
A Picture’s Worth
http://susan-berland.com
I don’t ignore people who don’t like my brand. I usually ask them why. As far as people who don’t like me – I wonder why and try to figure it out but eventually walk away because I’m not changing who I am or what I believe in for anyone. Playing it safe? No. Going out on a limb and saying things people don’t always agree with, as long as they are my heartfelt beliefs, absolutely!
Oh, I know that there are people who don’t like me. It doesn’t bother me unless I find that they are going behind my back and spreading effluvium (I love that word.) I can’t stand cowardly acts – if you have a problem with me, tell me – then we know where we stand. I generally am easy to get along with and find most people fascinating, but I have a “style” and strong personal opinions that I don’t cram down people’s throats, nor do I make it a requirement to agree with me to interact with me. But when you feel strongly, it can’t help but come out from time-to-time and there are those that cannot get past it. In my business of helping people with their photographs and memories, there is not too much controversy, except that some people don’t see the point, but I don’t think they dislike me for it.
Building a brand with that in mind- now that is interesting. I guess I haven’t given much thought about people who like or dislike me since maybe high school. Social media sure can bring that back into the mind though especially if you are trying to build a following. Hmm wonder what my brand would look like with polarity. I know I sure can get the Scientists riled up.
Wow. I never thought of it this way before. (I’m not a bitch, I just have polarity.) Seriously, I’d love to say I don’t care if people like me or not, but I do care. Note to self: achieve new comfort level in being disliked.
In my lifetime I definitely played it safe and didn’t like when people disliked me. I had to work on that when I was teaching–you have to learn and accept that some students won’t like you at all and will tell you! I think it’s quite interesting to see this polarity as something desirable for a brand, but I certainly understand–people who hate you (or however you frame it) bring energy to the brand and probably want to engage. Accepting disagreement in blog comments is definitely a good practice.
Judy Stone-Goldman
The Reflective Writer
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com/blog/
Personal-Professional Balance Through Writing
I’m getting better at people not liking me. Because I truly believe that validation comes from within. And everything anyone does has nothing to do with me. It has to do with them. I know when I don’t like someone it’s because I’m seeing something in them that reminds me of something in me I don’t like. So you don’t like me, then I am your mirror in this case.
Julieanne Case
Always from the heart!
Reconnecting you to your essence, joy, vitality, youth.| Healing you from the Inside Out |Reconnective Healing | AgeLoc Skin Care | Pharmanex Supplements
http://thereconnectivehighway.com
I am a people pleaser (so I have been told!), and so tend to want to like everyone and have everyone like me, and it can be hurtful when I realize that someone does not like me! But as I have gotten older I have made peace with the fact that not everyone likes you and I don’t like everyone either! I have found myself wanting to play it safe, but more recently am not as concerned about that as about the need for me to be truthful (although I still do what I can not to hurt someone’s feelings, so have to choose my words carefully!). When it comes to our business, there is definitely polarity — people who love and appreciate us and the people who do not understand or want to understand who we are and what we have to offer and decide we are out to rob them blind. My husband in particular takes it very personally! but I have learned to realize those people are just simply not our customers. Have never really thought about this in terms of branding, so this is giving me something to think more about.
I believe for me, it is more a concern about not being respected vs not being liked. Growing up in an era when women’s voices were not only dismissed but frequently mocked, I’ve had to train myself to toughen up and own my own authority while maintaining an internal sense of center when others act superior. Ultimately even as I write this it seems very “old paradigm” and whether others agree or disagree, I see it now as ultimately all about energy moving. Still when I read about folks wanting “to be liked” I gotta say to myself “grrl, you’re busted.”
This makes sense. I don’t think anyone hates Aim for the Stars Tutoring yet. But, I understand what you and Tyra mean. I don’t think I’ve been in business long enough yet, and that is pretty much the point. My brand is still developing. I’m working on it thanks to SNCC I have a great plan of action.
I don’t know if anyone hates me yet but I care less and less as I gain more confidence in my business. I have been a people pleaser for much of my life and that leads to resentments when I let people take advantage of me in the hope that they like me. But I am learning very much to say ‘that doesn’t work for me’ and that if people don’t like me because of it then that’s their problem as well – it didn’t work for me lol! I’m not aiming to be a Gordon Ramsey (who I love by the way) as that’s not my style but I am happy to cause some polarity now whereas it would have scared me at one point. I choose the Tim Ferris approach I think – I choose not to listen to what people think of me as that’s not my business!
Louise Edington
Breaking Through Online Frontiers
http://louiseedington.com
Yes, Yes and No 🙂 I still like being “liked” and yet, I’m not going to sacrifice myself or my purpose based on that. I think the polarity comment reminds me of having a strong point of view and a clear voice – stay too much in the “middle” and you get run over… Thanks, Ann 🙂 Brandy
I try not to stir up too much controversy, just enough so that I’m still comfortable. I think polarity, gets people talking about you and these conversations create momentum and popularity; getting you/your brand recognized. If you always play it safe, you’ll never be talked about. You have to do something unconventional that gets people thinking and talking about you.
Well said, we ought to encourage both likes and dislikes — hopefully more of the former. But actually I disagree with Tyra Banks’, statement. I’d say people have THREE options: Love, Hate, or Indifference. So generating polarity takes two stages. First, overcome indifference (develop “I care about it”). Second, create the basis for “Love it” or “Hate it”. Can’t reach the second without making the first. But once a person is there, their opinion makes a difference.
I believe that whether people like or dislike us is their business, and their positive or negative opinions can be a valuable guide for us. But our opinions, not theirs, control us.
Well! I think I’ll scamper right out of this corner and go slap somebody! That ought to get the ol’ tougue-wagging juices goin’! Viva la controverserie!!!