When I speak, I often ask about good networking versus bad networking habits. I beleive in networking, I am actually really shy, I mean really! Going to a networking event and putting myself out there with people I don’t know is scary! Today, while networking, I took the leap and joined a group of people. It was a bit safe because the leader of the group had already said two of us needed to meet. As I listened to the conversation about netwroking, I asked several questions and listened, before ever sharing what I thought. After doing so, I said: “for me networking is really about finding the place I can create relationships, versus generate a lead. Isn’t it for you?”
Ann M. Evanston is a “Chief Breakthrough Officer” teaching other Business Warriors how to slow down, and find the most unique part of their business that makes them stand out among the crowd. She has been named one of the top marketing consultants by About.com, is a guest blogger for Showcasing Women and takes pride in moving you from “blah, blah, blah” to “BOOM, BOOM. BOOM!”
Hmmm…what was her tone of voice and look on her face? if she was saying it in a joking or friendly way, I would just smile and say something like “Sorry! I am kind of a late bloomer!” and keep it light; if she were snippy and critical I would still smile and just say something like “I sure hope that’s o.k. with everyone…I was just enjoying hearing what everyone else had to say first.” What did you do, Ann?
Nice replies Donna! To me it was rude. Her tome indicated that I should “shut up”. I promise I will share what I did, very soon!
Wow – I might turn it right back on her and say something like “Well, I’m so sorry I’m late. I didn’t know you were waiting for me. But I’m here now – so please share with me what I missed….”
But then, I can be a bit snarky…
Hahahaha! I love that you are Debra! Alpha females!
I would ask her what she meat and to elaborate. You can only make assumptions unless she gives you clarification.
Oh goodness. That was not a very kind comment by the cheeky woman! Which speaks volumes about her and would definitely cause me to a) remove her from my database and/or b) avoid her in the future. If I were in that situation, I’d definitely do my best to take the high road and ignore the comment. Then I’d stick around to see what others were saying. If the conversation wasn’t appealling or it went downhill from there, I’d excuse myself. Let’s face it, many people DO networking strictly for leads. Very thought provoking, Ann!
And Patti I waited several minutes, listened and asked questions before ever inserting myself. I really just wanted to be included in the conversation! She did not make me feel welcome, at all!
Well you know me! Ready shoot aim…I may well have said “WTF? I didn’t know we were on a timetable!” And then I would have had to bite my tongue which for me is not easy, especially when someone is rude without reason. Seems to me she didn’t like your answer which perhaps means she is all about generating leads. Either way, there is absolutely no reason for her to make such a comment as you are only voicing an opinion. Besides, if you had already asked several questions then why did she think you were “joining late”? I think she for whatever reason was intimidated by you
You and I are so alike Julie! I wanted to whip out the sword! Trust me!
My first reaction would be an internal “WTF is that about?” Hopefully it would be internal and not leap out of my mouth, although on any given day it could go either way. What I probably would have said was something along the lines of “I’m late? What did I miss?” Then I’d cross her off my “I’d like to get to know you” list.
Lol! Right?WTF! Especially since they invited me in, so what is the problem! Think there is a better way for her to say it like “actually we were talking about that earlier, and my thoughts were…”
Ah, not everyone can be as gracious as you, my dear.
Wow, how incredibly rude! To be honest, I probably would have been embarrassed and thought about something clever to say later… Maybe I’d do a blog post about it – one of my occasional “I’m So Mad” posts 😉
That’s what always happens with me- thinking of something really great later on. But really that’s a level of rudeness that thankfully we don’t experience too often. Surprising that it happened in that particular group of people. Oh well…
She was brand new, so of she comes back, I will smile and say hello. Might be all, but at least that.
And if you had pictures to boot! Lol!
I might ask: a non-defensive question, like “What is it about my question that made you not want to answer and shift to criticizing my timing instead?” Then if she doesn’t acknowledge her rudeness and begins to backpedal, which I’m pretty sure she would, and sez something like, “no it’s just that I hadn’t heard from you before, blah blah, blah”, I’d whip out that sword and chop off her head.
Oh you are good and well trained by Sharon!
yup. we’ve taught together for Years. But I like the Chop too 😉
I’d say something like, “I guess it’s just the nature of groups like this that folks join at different times and so have different entrance points into the existing conversations. I just got here, so I gotta start where I am and beg your indulgence while I do my best to get up to speed. I’d surely appreciate hearing your wisdom on the subject.”.
Can you add “juicy bits” somewhere in that perfect statement just for me?
“I start where I am, how about you?”
Did you have to get real towels to wipe up the blood dripping from the sword cuts or was it only paper towels from the eye daggers…
Candace Davenport
http://www.ourlittlebooks.com ~ Little Books with a Big Message
I’m not sure what I would have done, I have walked into a meetup and was immediately singled out by a women for several snarky comments before I even got to sit down or say anything. It was so ridiculous – I even asked why she was picking on me and but otherwise laughed and tried to keep it light. Then she left and everyone apologized. So in this situation, I probably would have said something noncommittal like Ok (it takes me a while to think of snarky replies too), stayed for 10 minutes or so to see whether the group was worth the annoyance and if not left. Life is way too short.
Wow. Says a LOT about her to take such immediate offense to what you said, especially when all you did was share your opinion ON topic of conversation after listening to what people were saying. I would like to say I’d take the high road in my words, but I also know my face, tone, and posturing would very much be saying “WTF!” and without a doubt my eyes would have rolled. I would definitely know that she is not someone that I would do business with or refer business to, and I would likely avoid entering into any conversation in which she was involved in the future. I would probably say something rude and snarky to her should she ever try to enter “late” into a conversation in the future, but I’m just at a point that I’m no longer trying to treat mean people better than they treat me.
I would have smiled or laughed a bit, and said, “Oh! What did I miss?”
It’s so discouraging when people are rude (intentionally or not) when networking. It can really put us off the whole idea. It’s hard to not take it personally.
In this case, perhaps she thought you were being “rude” by interrupting, but that’s her lack of understanding the fluid nature of mixing and mingling. MOST conversations get interrupted, the don’t always end perfectly, people drift in and out of conversations, or they join it mid-stream.
Perhaps she thought they were having a “private” conversation which is also a lack of understanding the nature of an open networking event. If you’ve got to have that kind of discussion, time to make an appointment and meet later!
I know this was a long time ago, but I’d be curious to know what you said Ann.
It was a long time ago, not sure my answer! What would it be today? I think I would just excuse myself. I don’t feel a need to around people that are not welcoming first.