by Ann Evanston | Jul 28, 2017 | Influence Factor, Relationship
Today I am teaching a class on influence. I love working with people who are open and interested to learning new things. I often tell them “that influence is more about building relationships than anything.”
As I go through my Influence model, faces even get quiet. (Yes, faces!) and as I ask, someone always says: “so you are saying if I haven’t built and nurtured relationships, I cannot influence someone at work?”
Yes! Well, there are strategies you can deploy, but if you have taken the time to build relationships, to build rapport, to put into their emotional bank account, it is much easier.
Your goal is to spend about 20% of your time building and nurturing relationships to become more influential.
by Ann Evanston | Jul 27, 2017 | Influence Factor, Relationship
One of the things I love teaching my clients is the importance of balancing energies. In particular, I love working with women on how to balance feminine and masculine energy’s. The most important thing is to understand what the word “balance” really means.
Balance isn’t about equality. Balance is about knowing what is needed in a specific moment or situation, and being able to energetically shift your energy to what’s appropriate in that situation.
[Tweet “Make a conscious choice about energy in a situation”]
Too often our energy is reactive, and often isn’t the best energy for that situation. Are you able to consciously pause for a moment and assess what’s happening, and realize whether you need more feminine energies? Or more masculine energy’s? Which are best for the situation present?
Interestingly, both men and women who have learned how to do this have greater success in their careers. In addition research shows that they’re more hardly admired and respected as leaders.
by Ann Evanston | Jul 23, 2017 | Relationship
It’s always interesting when you love something and you have to make the decision to let it go. This is true whether it’s a big something like a relationship with a friend or lover, or a little something like your relationship with your morning coffee.
I have been a morning coffee drinker for years. Growing up in Seattle, I will never forget the first time I had a Starbucks espresso. I was in the seventh grade, and our choir was singing at the Seattle Center. Afterwards, we got to hang out for the day and play and have fun. My buddy, Phil and I, decided to go and try this “coffee thing ” that was becoming so popular. We looked at the drink board, and the only thing we could afford is this thing called espresso (you have to remember were 13 years old never heard of this coffee before!) It’s $1.75 and we decide we’re going to share it.
We’re handed this teeny tiny cup! With the smallest amount of coffee you can imagine in it. We both take a sip and choke! Filled it full of sugar and cream, still couldn’t drink it and dumped it.
And I have a huge love for coffee. I love strong coffee, beans ground just before, fresh brewed, and warm creamer in it. I live for that morning cuppa coffee. I love the ritual, the smells, the taste.
Over the years, I learned the love I have for coffee doesn’t serve me well in the relationship. I backed off caffeine because it’s not good for my blood pressure. And the acid in the coffee my stomach doesn’t like, although I found less acidic beans. I also find that it still impacts my energy levels throughout the day. I also love it with cream which is just wasted calories.
So I’m learning to come at peace with having to let go of something I love. To say goodbye. [Tweet “How do you go about letting go of something that no longer serves you well in the relationship?”]
by Ann Evanston | Jul 22, 2017 | Relationship
There are times in life where I struggle with relationships. Maybe you never feel this way, but I feel I can give to a relationship so much and never get anything back. I have friends that I have never hesitated to share my resources, my home, my network. If they ask me to participate or do something and I can make it happen I absolutely will.
I guess that’s what I believe that friendships and having colleagues is all about. To be a yes, be willing. To want to support them.
I recently reached out to some of those people that I feel I’ve tried very hard to give always to. I needed something this time. And I asked.
Which, as a woman, it’s not always easy to ask for what you need. And I reached out and did it anyway.
Crickets.
Silence.
No response.
Not even an: I’m sorry, I can’t.”
It stings, hurts. And then I hear all the things your mind can say. Wondering if you’re being selfish by asking. Questioning whether you need to give more. Or hearing the whole: Karma will come from elsewhere and keep giving.
It seems that in a relationship though there needs to be give from both people. Am I wrong? Do you ever feel this way?
Here’s where I know I just have to set boundaries again. Here’s where I realize I could opt out of my relationships because it’s an old one that does that. And I new ones that are completely different. They are about yes, giving, and even asking to help before I’m even ready to say yes. Wow.
[Tweet “Remember to say yes in relationships that matter.”]
I have to focus my energy on those relationships and those kinds of people. Not the crickets.
.
by Ann Evanston | Jul 18, 2017 | Mental Mind Shifts
The Mindset of Yes can seem like a simple one. Most people though, have the mindset of “curious.” There is a distinct difference between the two.
When you have the Mindset of Yes you are always open to possibilities, opportunities, ideas. You are interested in new relationships. You ask, “how can I help?” You trust first. With the Mindset of Yes, you continue to engage in a process encouraging all of those things.
You might be thinking: “Well Ann, I have that mindset. What’s the difference between curious and yes then?”
When yes people have made the decision that it’s actually a no, they communicate that no with grace and integrity. The Mindset of Yes means that you understand how important when you decided no it is to communicate it.
[Tweet “The Mindset of Yes means you know why communicating a no, when it’s a no, is important.”]
People who have the mindset of curious just disappear.
